It's finally over. The film I mean. The last three days have been mildly brutal. If not for the illegal lack of sleep and driving/working, the nearly inexhaustible stupid questions and finally, the drama queens playing their stupid drama queen games, it was fairly boring and really not that remarkable. Make sure to look for it in the "I can't believe anyone would make this, let alone rent it" section. If you can't find it there, it might be in the "That's a joke right? Seriously? No really, what is the name of the movie?" section.
Let me take a moment to give one example of each, or what I like to call "So You Wanna Work In the Glamorous and Exciting World of Film Making". Driving/working: you get to the set at 6am (you had to get up at 5am so you could shower, dress, get to 711 for coffee then get to set on time), do some tidying in the morning, then spend the rest of the day waiting for the end of the day, which usually comes about 13+ hours after you started tidying. Clean up the messes of the day (usually this is done to kill some time in the day when waiting for the end of the day then really attacking the tidying at the end of the day). Then, pack it all up and move it 30 miles or so, set it all up, tidy again and try to make it home without getting a ticket for 1) Speeding 2) Excessive Lane Changes 3) Making Obscene Gestures 4) Insert your favorite violation "HERE". If all goes well, you will be home by midnight. If you are like me, it takes you about an hour to "wind down" so you can sleep (with a prescribed med), which puts you at 1am assuming you can fall asleep right away. Tomorrow you need to be there at, wait for it, wait for it, NOW! 6am! WOO! Guess what, you didn't shower last night (I know, gross, but showers wake me up. Not exactly what one needs), so you need to get up at 5am to do it all over again. That's 4 hours sleep if you work it right. Now it is true, Teamsters sleep, what to everyone else, seems like all the time. Fact is, when everyone else is sleeping, Teamsters are working. Teamsters are even working when you are working, but we do it in shifts. Which is why it seems like we are always sleeping. Problem is, part two.
The inexhaustible stupid questions. Someone knocked on the window of my truck today, while looking at me sleeping, to ask me "How does the air conditioner work?" Honest engine, like the premise of the movie, I can't make this shit up. Now when a guy has worked an 18+ hour day over and over, had maybe 4 hours sleep each night, and has finally turned off everything in his head enough to fall asleep in his truck, common sense will tell you not to wake/go near/look at/poke/knock/clap near or generally make any sudden moves close by. Common sense is uncommon on a film set. When I'm really tired, I get really sarcastic. And some people, generally the people who wake Teamsters up with stupid questions, tend to get offended and all bent and just this shy of shedding a tear. When faced with the razor sharp, poison tipped, "When I say 'knob' I don't mean you" rapier like wit of a sleep craving Teamster, most people would do the sensible thing, hang your head and beg for mercy. Not on a film set. Which brings me to the last.
Drama Queens. Grown men. Visually mature. Seemingly capable of rational thinking, will turn into the biggest ACTRESS' you have ever seen when on a film set. Being important is very important on a film set. So, no matter what you do, you must be important. And, if you were hired, that must mean you are talented and therefore, important. So important in fact, that you feel completely justified in waking someone who worked all night so that that person could have somewhere to put all the important shit that that person needs to do their important job, um, importantly. Now, don't get me wrong. Everyone, and I mean that, EVERYONE is important on a film set. PA's up to Producers. They all have something to offer. Some more than others. Everyone has a job to do and they all gel together to create what you see on the screen. But I am pretty sure, unless you're into this, you didn't pay to see a movie "about a guy who finds something and must use it to save the world" that turns out to really be "about the fascinating world of medical supplies that anyone can buy and use from CVS or Rite Aid." Like I said, unless you're into that. Fucking Freak. Seriously. If you are that person, or you know that person, the one who wakes people up for the most inane shit so they can feel important, I would like you to punch that person in the neck for me or punch yourself in the neck. I can't do it, obviously, I would lose my job. (If you find you are that person, first grow some self-esteem, then PLEASE film yourself punching yourself in the neck and put it on YouTube for me).
So, now I sound like a bitter, jaded fucker who hates his job and is damn fucking straight going to make you pay for it. Oh Contraire! (sp) I LOVE IT! I can't think of another job that is better than working in film. Cool people, cool places and cool paychecks make it the best job ever. Every job has its bummers, but when the ups out weigh the downs by about a million to one, you know you have it good. I will bitch and complain and rant and rave. I will praise and commend and wax rhapsodic. I love this business. It's as much entertainment going in, as coming out. Like a really good burrito. Sorry, that was wrong.
My next blog will likely be about anyone who reads this blog and thinks "I wanna do that! Not that! That's gross. The other thing he was writing about." Read on, dear reader.
Tomorrow, I have the day off and I intend to enjoy it. BWAHAAHAAAA! If I don't, I might write. If I do, I might write. Not sure. Thanks for reading this, you are welcome. Peace out, cheers, SKOL!
Look me in the eye and ask me that question again. I fucking dare you.
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